How the Process Works
This is a short-term commitment, typically lasting 1 to 6 sessions. Each session lasts 90 minutes and includes both joint conversations and individual time with the Alkira therapist. Together, we will explore three distinct paths:
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Path One: Maintaining the status quo (holding still).
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Path Two: Moving toward separation or divorce.
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Path Three: Committing to a six-month “all-in” effort in couples therapy (with divorce off the table during that time) to see if the marriage can be restored to health.
Take the First Step
By the end of this process, you will have the clarity needed to choose a direction with confidence, knowing you have thoroughly explored every option.
Available Support:
We offer flexible scheduling to meet your needs:
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How is this different from regular marriage counseling?
In traditional marriage counseling, the therapist works with you both to improve the relationship. This requires both partners to be invested in staying together. Discernment counseling is for couples who aren’t sure they want to stay married. We don’t begin working with you to “fix” the marriage until you have both decided that is the path you want to take.
2. What if I want to save the marriage but my spouse wants a divorce?
This is the most common scenario in discernment counseling (often called “mixed-agenda”). The process is designed to support both of you. The counselor helps the “leaning-out” partner understand their individual drive to end it and explore if there is any possibility for change, while helping the “leaning-in” partner navigate the uncertainty of their future with patience and self-reflection.
3. Does this process guarantee we won’t get divorced?
No. If you participate in discernment counseling, it will help you gain clarity on your choice. Sometimes that clarity leads to a decision to divorce, but the process helps ensure that the decision is made calmly rather than in a state of crisis or reactively.
4. How many sessions will we need?
Discernment counseling is very short-term. It typically lasts between 1 and 6 sessions. You decide after each session whether you would like to come back for the next meeting.
5. What happens during a typical session?
Sessions are 90 minutes long. About 1/2 of the time is spent in individual conversations with the therapist, and ½ is with the two of you together and the Alkira therapist. We assist in slowing down or stopping the dynamic that is most responsible for the state of your relationship- time with the two of you together is constructive and led by the therapist, not a repeated rehashing of the problems.
6. What if we decide to work on the marriage?
If you both choose Path Three (a six-month commitment to reconciliation), we will help you transition into couples therapy either with the discernment therapist or through a referral. During that period, divorce is taken off the table so you can give the relationship your full, focused effort.
7. Is discernment counseling reimbursable by insurance?
Unfortunately insurance will not reimburse us directly for discernment counseling, as it is not a medically necessary treatment. We can provide superbills with couple relationship coding, and you are welcome to submit for any reimbursement your specific plan will provide.
